I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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