Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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