he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
