; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
