I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
