the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
