It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
