Non-Jews are for practice
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
