I wish I only lived at night.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
