Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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