apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just gargled with NyQuil
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
