WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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