Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
