two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
