He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize