just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
