She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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