wat bout pragnant strippers??
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
