it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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