In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
