Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
