If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
