we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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