Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
