the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize