I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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