no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
