Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
