Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
