I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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