apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
