Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
