We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
