Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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