I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
