jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
