i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize