You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
