Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize