Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
