I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
