She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
