I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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