You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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