I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
