I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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