I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
