Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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