Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
