Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
