That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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