I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
