Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
