ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
