Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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