We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
