put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize