I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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