hotel room ftw
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
