Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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