She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
