I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
