Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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