i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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