You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
