In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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