just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
