I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
