It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
