Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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