you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
