Got a toothbrush?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
