I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
