Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i love accidental penises.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
