I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
