I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
