My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
