STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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