I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
