Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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