Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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