if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
