We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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