I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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