dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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