i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
