so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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