My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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