wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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