I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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