so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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