I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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