Someone shit on the floor
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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